


Won't Leave It As It Is

by cherrygelb



Series: Our Hearts In A Song [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Apologies, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, Sad Harry, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28647204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrygelb/pseuds/cherrygelb
Summary: There’s always at least two sides to every story. Now, it’s Harry’s turn to think about what went wrong between him and Louis, which might lead him to come to some unexpected realisations.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Our Hearts In A Song [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098656
Kudos: 3





	Won't Leave It As It Is

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a companion piece to ‘Bittersweet Memories’, I recommend to read that one first. I used the song ‘The Core of You’ by Mans Zelmerlöw for this part.

Harry was pacing through his home studio, making his way from the piano to the guitar leaning against the wall and back again, fiddling with a pencil, twirling it between his fingers, then drumming it against his chest.

Words, he needed to find words. He already had the music down, the tune simply appearing in his head. It had only taken him a little more than two hours to get it out, using his phone to record himself play. He also knew what he wanted to say with the song, knew what he wanted to express, the feeling he had already unleashed by playing the melody. Still, he found it hard to find the words to express himself, the feeling so deep and raw and personal, he couldn’t manage to form the right words to match.

In the end, he decided forcing it would only make it worse. He simply wasn’t in the right headspace to come up with fitting words to describe his emotions. This should be natural, an organic process. The words should just come to him, same as the music already had.

With an exasperated sigh, he threw the pencil somewhere in the direction of the table next to the window. It bounced off his still empty notepad on the desk, rolling to the floor, while Harry glared frustratedly at the paper, the blank page silently mocking him.

It was the middle of the night, when inspiration finally hit him. He immediately shot up in bed, grabbing the notepad and pen he had left on his bedside table in foresight, knowing he had some of his best ideas during the night.

_All the emotion, all that I'm hoping I can feel  
All of the fire, all the desire can come back again  
And all that I need is a part of me to see all of you now and forever  
Now all that matters, I won't let it shatter ever again_

_Oh and don't hate me, leave me now, I'm breaking  
I can't change this, won't leave it as it is_

That’s it though, isn’t it? He WON’T leave things the way they are now. How had he let it come so far? Why had he not put up a fight? That had to stop now! He needed to fight, to let him know how he felt, how he would do anything to not let things go so far ever again, if he would get a second chance, that is.

Thing is, after having months to think about it - their break-up - he kind of understood where Louis was coming from. After all, the older lad had always been the one to take one for the team, to let himself be pushed around if it meant others could succeed because of it.

Louis’ self-destructing tendencies had always led him to push others to new heights while he himself more often than not ended up bruised in the process. Harry loved Louis’ ability to pinpoint a person’s strengths and to help them enhance them and eventually show their brilliance to the world. The older lad always managed to boost everyone’s confidence and his bouts of silliness always lightened the mood or helped cause a distraction if someone was feeling down or stressed.

He had never met a more loving, gentle, caring, and perceptive person in his life. The only problem was, while taking care of everyone around him, Louis himself had fallen behind. And Harry had no idea how he could have let things come so far, how he could have missed the signs so spectacularly. How he had not realized that while Louis took care of him and everyone they loved, no one took care of Louis, everyone just assuming the lad could handle himself.

Oh, how wrong they all had been. The months apart had given Harry some much needed perspective on that, making him aware of this now. And he dearly hoped it was not too little too late.

_It'll never break, I will always wait till we see it through  
I will never lie, I will always fight for the core of you  
And all these words through all these years, just trust what will be  
Never wanna break and don't you ever change the core of you  
The core of you_

He would give anything to prove to Louis that this time – if given the chance – he would not run when things became difficult. He would not take the easy way out.

This time, he would fight for Louis. Hell, he would fight Louis, sweet and stubborn Louis. He would fight him until he found his core again. His beautiful heart. The heart he had been willing to break so that Harry could be selfish and follow his dreams, instead of finding a way for both of them to follow their dreams together.

_It's just a feeling without really knowing it's back again  
Can't really listen like something is missing, will it ever end?  
I'm tired of wishing, all of the dreaming, will I ever win? Doesn't matter  
All of these battles must be for something, what does it mean?_

Once the words had started flowing, there was no going back. He was tweaking and playing around with the song for days and before he knew it, he was in the studio, surrounded by his new team, his new band. Recording, playing with different variations of the song, until it felt just right. The way it was supposed to feel.

The official release-date came faster than Harry expected, though he was glad for it. Since their break-up he had no means to contact Louis, the older lad blocking all of his attempts to reach him, so this was his only chance to get heard, if he didn’t want to start fighting dirty and drag friends and family into it to help him reach out to Louis.

_It'll never break, I will always wait till we see it through  
I will never lie, I will always fight for the core of you  
And all these words through all these years, just trust what will be  
Never wanna break and don't you ever change the core of you_

_The core of you  
The core of you_

Harry’s resolve not to involve others crumbled roughly a week after the release date. He had been so sure to get some kind of reaction from Louis, especially since practically the whole fandom and even some media reps were pretty convinced this song was about Louis. Still, there was nothing. Not a word from the older lad. Not even a sassy remark. The silence worried Harry to no end, especially since there seemed to be no updates about him anywhere. And he had looked thoroughly through every available media source. Even the fandom seemed to have no idea and they were usually freakishly good detectives regarding the whereabouts of the 1D lads. It was like Louis just dropped off the face of the earth.

In the end, he decided to contact Liam, pretty sure Louis would never hide from him. He knew the two of them were still in contact quite frequently, were the closest friends out of all of them since the band went on hiatus. He was desperate to find out whether Louis was okay, hoping nothing serious had happened to him.

_Never wanna break, my heart'll always ache to the core for you_

_It'll never break, I will always wait to see this through  
I will never lie, I will always fight for the core of you  
And all these words through all these years, just trust what will be  
Never wanna break and don't you ever change the core of you  
Just because of this._

After agonising for what felt like hours, Liam finally answered his text. Though that did nothing to calm him down. All it said was **‘Last I heard he was doing ok. Right now in lockdown in his studio. Emergencies only system in place.’**

Great. Harry knew this system. They used it sometimes when writing together for the band as well. There were a limited number of trusted people with a key to Louis’ personal studio and short of one of them showing up and confronting him in person, there was no way to contact him, and even then there better be a fire or there was hell to pay for disrupting the creative process.

Harry sighed loudly. Since he had no idea when Louis had gone into lockdown mode, he had no way of knowing whether he even knew of his song yet. All he could do was wait and that had never been his strong suit.

**Author's Note:**

> I have at least two more songs in mind to add stories around for this series. I hope inspiration will strike again soon, so you won’t have to wait too long. Feedback is always appreciated <3


End file.
